Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
