Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
