I feel like abortions should bother me more
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
