just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
