and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize