She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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