Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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