I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
