so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
