cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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