I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
