All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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