He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
More tranny stories later!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He felt like a one man threesome
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
