You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
