So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
