The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
even my farts smell like vagina
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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