The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
