this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
