I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he was CRYING into my vagina
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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