I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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