My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
