Jerry, you need to find god
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The air was thick with penises
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
