ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
