so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
