they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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