about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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