how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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