Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
