Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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