hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
