I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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