if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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