In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
