he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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