life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
