his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
