so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
