i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
