Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
