I can text with my tongue
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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