Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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