She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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