Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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