He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
