I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize