She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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