she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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