so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
