Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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