I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
