I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
