my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
