I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
