3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
