Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
