Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
