What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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