I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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