I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
