I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
