If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
