i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Floor bacon is actually really good
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
