New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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