He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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