Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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