so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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