Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
