Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
