fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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