you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
