my mouth tastes like poor choices
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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