he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
