I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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