Sry I called you an 8
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The best revenge is premature balding
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
