I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
