I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
