just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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