Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
