You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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