His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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