Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Kiss
Puke
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
