I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
