I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
