omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
