Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
