If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
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And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
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I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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