just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we're making bets on your personal life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
