Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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