I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
