dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
