Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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