I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
